By Allison Iantosca, PCC
Leadership. “I am at the edge of what I know”.
During Covid I found this idea in an article that was circulating at the time and wrote it out on a sticky note. I remember finding comfort that there was nothing in front of me that was going to be familiar or helpful. That all my resources had to come from what I had already experienced, who I already was, piecing together the things I already knew.
I still have this note stuck to my computer screen. The edges are tattered and frayed, and the ink has faded, but it is a reminder to me that, as leaders, we are constantly standing at the edge of what we know. That, in fact, that’s the whole point– we are people who seek out this edge, push our teams right to it, constantly assess who, how far, how fast. A willingness to take a gamble on ourselves. Confidence enough to accept responsibility for the outcome we piece together inside a cultural framework that others buy into and want to also serve.
Yet with this comes a normative framing that, somehow, we know exactly what to do while we’re standing at that edge.
We don’t. Not exactly. No more than anyone knows the right next step in any instance in life. It is part of the ongoing bet we commit to on a daily basis: that not to try is worse than not to know if we could succeed.
And we have to accept that we’re the ones responsible for stirring this pot. That we are barring against boredom or, worse, lacking our fullest capability as a human. Not to “boss people around” but to be willingly sacrificial; that our hopes and dreams can only be realized if our peoples’ hopes and dreams are realized. We will play in this arena, grass stained and bruised, eking out the end zone in the final minutes of the final quarter. Because what else is there really?
Mission accepted.
But in that arena, at that edge, we do have to know one thing. Ourselves. Which is complicated. Because all we might know for certain is that there isn’t anywhere else we could ever be. We have sensed that enough to find our way here. Ok. I will grant us that awareness.
But it’s reckless to think that’s enough.
Because it is much harder to hold ourselves accountable to our emotional behavior than it is to track year over year percentage growth increase. Or to acknowledge that we have as much responsibility for how someone reacts to us as they do. Knowing ourselves means knowing our tendencies, drivers, myths, truths, operating systems, habits, emotions, repeated behaviors. It is the responsibility of putting ourselves under magnified scrutiny, a deep dive into our true nature. Not optional.
For much of my career, I got carried away. I stayed relevant through perseverance and hard work, but this undermined my self-acceptance of my true gifts as a leader thinking I was only offering value if I was doing something. This worked until it didn’t. Until I lost myself in the flames of burnout. When I had to face my fears that, without achievement, I wasn’t worth a whole heck of a lot. I could see the wax dripping from both ends of the lit candle. I knew I needed to stop. But not until an executive coach asked me what I was doing instead of stopping, i.e. tirelessly protecting myself from a false sense of not-enoughness, could I pivot.
Now I see that scarcity habit. Now I can work on valuing my wisdom and heart instead of spinning every piece of porcelain I can find. I can change my habits to be impactful in other ways and to support the deeper strategic success of my team.
No matter where you are on the ladder of your career, I can’t overemphasize enough that self-awareness is the best tool you can have in your box. To become aware of who you are and what you are doing now is exactly what gives you choice about who you will be and where you go in the future. Paradoxically, change can only happen when you become who you are… Not when you try to be what you’re not.
But don’t go it alone. I know how much we like that edge of knowing, but we may not be the best judge of our own character as we stand there. Find a coach and let the past be the resource for your future.
Take the leap.
Allison Iantosca is a Gestalt International Study Center (GISC) trained coach certified by ICF with extensive leadership and management experience. She is an Executive Coach and is the Owner and President of Boston based FH Perry Builder.
*Photo Credit: Tumisu, Pixabay