By Dave Bushy, PCC
We work and live with so many people in this world.
Some of them we know well. Others not at all. Then there are the ones we sort of know and sometimes figure out. Or think we understand and then get confused when we see something we didn’t expect. And, of course, there are always the times, when for some reason or other, we are not in synch at all with another person.
There are also the inevitable biases which we all must understand about ourselves in order to learn how to act with kindness and grace towards every person we see and meet. This involves a deep spiritual exploration and understanding that I believe can only come for some through study and reflection and for others even prayer and meditation.
Understanding both ourselves and others is such a wonderful challenge and great opportunity. It’s both a dilemma and joy to think about. I am convinced – and candidly am quite happy to admit – that it can’t be solved by AI. Only the human heart connecting with the mind can give agency to our growth and our understanding of all human beings and how we live and work in the world.
The developmental journey we are on is called life. And if we do it right, it helps us to better appreciate every human with whom we interact. To realize their unique personality, their style and even their foibles and see them for who they really are – and even who they aspire to be. And to understand that they are carrying a backpack with a weight in it we cannot ever know.
And to remind ourselves that it helps to stare into a mirror each day and say to yourself as Ellen Goodman once wrote, “You’re no bargain either.”
I am blessed to interact with some truly spiritual women and men of all faiths who continue to help me in this journey. I try to include their philosophies into my coaching without forcing any of my own values upon my clients.
Some call it modeling a behavior. I like to think of it more as a way of being that can serve others without imposing any particular belief system on them.
I have written before that I routinely ask clients about self-care and often hear responses about healthy eating habits, daily exercise and sleep. All those serve us and provide us a better opportunity for health and are vitally important.
Yet there is something else. For a while in my coaching journey, I did not pursue self-care questions further with clients. Now I do. I explore how they learn about themselves, what types of reflection or meditation they use to understand themselves and to know and appreciate their other fellow human travelers on this journey.
And sometimes I even inquire about happiness – that intangible and ineffable word used so effortlessly by Thomas Jefferson, who likely picked it up from the ancient Greek philosophers.
“What makes you happy?” I might ask. “And what do you think makes the other person happy?”
And then I might even inquire, “What does kindness and grace mean to you?”
It’s a wonderful exploration, seldom found in just one book or study, and always found in the human heart.
Dave Bushy of Boston Executive Coaches – bostonexecutivecoaches.com – is a an ICF-certified coach who was trained at the Gestalt International Study Center (GISC). Dave is a former U.S. Army officer and senior airline executive who works with leaders throughout the world.
Image by jools_sh from Pixabay