By Dave Bushy, PCC
Every day I speak with leaders who work with diligence and care in their jobs. They continually give of themselves in everything they do, almost all of the time.
When the occasion warrants, my natural curiosity can cause me to ask about how they might find solace in their busy lives – how they can find a safe harbor of kindness in the difficult world we call leadership in business and organizations. When I ask clients about the human connections who support them, and especially who their friends are, it concerns me at times that more often than not that they don’t have a ready answer.
“Do you take the time to call a friend?” I might ask.
“You know, it’s challenging to find the time and even to get motivated to look through my contact list and find the number. Sometimes I think about it, and then I fall short, realizing that it’s been so long that they might not be ready for a call or even a text.”
Today’s world is fraught with innumerable challenges and pressure. I believe that it may well be more hectic and stressful than ever before. It isn’t so much a 24/7 world as it is 60-seconds endlessly repeated and endlessly repeated again for each of us. Moments of respite are so rare that we often go days without relief from the news, from work or the daily requirements of navigating our lives. And, as I remind myself and my clients, there is no differentiation between that which we call personal or professional life – we only have one life to live and we carry everything with us like a backpack strapped to our backs. The weight each person carries can be heavy.
I know that when I was a senior executive in a Fortune 50 company, going through the most difficult times, friends were the only release I had from the grinds of work, the challenges of feeling assaulted by financial exigencies, quarterly board meetings, union challenges and the inevitable operational difficulties that we faced at an airline.
Did I always call my friends? I have come to realize in retrospect, that it was not I who initiated the calls – it was my friends who did so. They were the ones who took the time to ask me about the metaphorical backpack I carried and inquired with love and consideration about how they could help me shed a few pounds from it or to even offer to help me carry it. Sometimes just the questions lifted my spirits, and very often their gentle humor about the situation helped frame situations for me in a completely different way. Often my friends helped me see the daily challenges in a way that made me realize just how small they were.
One of my friends would say, for instance: “Realistically, so what’s going to happen if your $3 billion budget is over target by a million dollars? That’s a rounding error.” Or, sardonically, “Wow, Dave, if you don’t figure out that presentation for the board meeting, the world might stop spinning, right?” And then philosophically, “Have you ever stopped to realize that you’re giving 80 hours a week to a corporation. Do you think that the company is going to be sitting on the edge of your bed when you breathe your last?” (A question I often ask clients now).
Making friends is something that takes time and an investment of caring and concern for others. As a result, friends become gifts that we give to ourselves. Accepting them as gifts can provide solace and joy to us. In turn, paying that forward to others is, for me, the essence of why we were put on this earth.
So, the next time you feel stressed, pick up the phone and call and friend. Ask them about how they are and help them reframe what they are experiencing. And I’ll bet they’ll do the same for you.
I’ve got to end this now, because it’s time I called a friend!
Dave Bushy of Boston Executive Coaches – bostonexecutivecoaches.com – is a an ICF-certified coach who was trained at the Gestalt International Study Center (GISC). Dave is a former U.S. Army officer and senior airline executive who works with leaders throughout the world.
Image by Vinzent Weinbeer from Pixabay