By Dave Bushy, PCC
“Assume capability not intent,” is part of a maxim used in intelligence.
While somewhat more complex when employed in military operations, its shortened form can serve as an effective and simple reminder of how to approach those with whom we interact in the business world.
Have you ever sat in a meeting and watched the people around the table and started writing your own narrative about them? Your thoughts range from:
“He doesn’t care,” you say about one person.
“She has an agenda she’s trying to push,” you smugly say to yourself about another.
And then there is the inevitable, “He’s lazy and doesn’t want to get the job done.”
What’s the common denominator of such narratives? They are all judgment-based and come to conclusions about the intent of each individual, primarily based on opinion and feelings. As such, they do little to enhance our personal and professional relationships. And they can materially contribute to distrust, making them detrimental to how a team operates.
In the process of assuming intentions, we create barriers of emotion and misunderstanding between individuals. And if we pass those ill-founded conclusions on to other members of the team, it can lead to speaking about them in a sort of “triangle” with others, which further erodes trust.
Regrettably, judging intent is easy, and we all succumb to it at one time or another, probably because it can help us justify our own feelings and impressions. Think about it, though. Did you ever try to even figure out your own intentions? It takes a lot of deep thought and heart-based feeling to determine what is going on inside of yourself. How could you presume to know what another person is thinking? It’s pretty near impossible.
Wouldn’t it be better to approach the narrative you develop about others in a more useful way? You can start with a few assumptions about those capabilities, and then use them to become more curious. Harness that curiosity to learn and to benefit from the learning. Think about the narrative earlier in this blog and “reframe” it thusly:
“He doesn’t care,” could be replaced with, “I’m sensing a lack of interest in Bob. I wonder if he’s just got too much on his plate. Maybe he doesn’t understand his role and can be helped with some mentoring. It’s important that I ask him about it later. Or maybe we can take a break and have a private conversation.”
“She has an agenda she’s trying to push and wants to get promoted,” could be substituted with, “I’m curious about Janet’s approach. I wonder what expected outcome she sees for this project. She’s a smart person and could really help this team. I need to find out!”
The inevitable, “He’s lazy and doesn’t want to get the job done,” can be reframed with, “I know the project is stalled. I wonder what details I don’t know about Larry’s job function and what might be happening in his life. We need this job done and I believe he can do it – I just need to dig into what’s going on.”
In each case the observations and occasional assumption about capability is approached from a learning standpoint, not one of judgement. By doing so, we liberate ourselves from leaping to conclusions and embracing the often-destructive approach of judging the intentions of others.
We are all part of a system, be it two of us, a team, or even a corporation. The norms of such a system are based on values and beliefs. And a personal belief like assuming intention can derail our relationships before they are even developed.
As a coach it is my role to notice when I think this occurs and to become curious about it – and most importantly, not to assume the client’s intent – just his or her capability! It’s an approach that can serve any leader and help build communication and trust in the members of the team.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Dave Bushy of Boston Executive Coaches – bostonexecutivecoaches.com – is a an ICF-certified coach who was trained at the Gestalt International Study Center (GISC). Dave is a former U.S. Army officer and senior airline executive who works with leaders throughout the world.