Image by Noel Bauza from Pixabay
By Dave Bushy, PCC
Emile Durkheim coined the term “Anomie” 130 years ago. Translated from French, it means “normlessness.” Durkheim used it to describe a society where shared rules and norms begin to erode.
Today, it may well be that we live in a world where we have transitioned away from anomie into a world of multiple norms (“norms multiples” in French) that contribute to a society where we are not just seeing eroded shared norms – we have also effectively created a paradigm where each of us chooses to live in a world of our own rules and norms. The societal norms are not routinely shared – they have been set aside by fragmentation perhaps even Durkheim could not have predicted.
And the fragmentation is not just between individuals and groups – very often we are fragmented in our own lives as our own individual rules, norms and especially ethics, vary from situation to situation and from role to role. Some call it moral relativism, but whatever the name, it is a phenomenon that I continue to see in my daily life and as a professional helper of people. I write this as a coach, though I also see this as former senior executive and as a fellow human traveler on this journey called life.
As a coach, I spend time teaching and most of all learning, listening and always staying curious. A critical part of someone’s life revolves around their own values and beliefs and how they are formed and effected by societal, cultural and even family norms. I note that fact for each person and honor it as I learn more about each new client. It is fascinating to learn what drives each person – be it selflessness, motivation to move ahead in their jobs, the desire to continue to learn and grow as a person – or perhaps all three.
The North Star for most people is a sense of right and wrong – a belief in justice, if you will. But increasingly that seems more situational. I often experience clients who articulate a clear sense of direction and values. And yet, there are times that those same clients become less clear. For instance, I have seen clients who tell me that they would not tolerate inappropriate behavior by a subordinate or feel that telling the truth is of paramount importance. And yet, the same clients often describe situations where they themselves are inappropriate in their actions towards their boss and seemingly tolerate their own inconsistent behavior. They justify it by somehow sequestering the actions in a professional context while verbalizing that they would never do it in a personal setting.
The same goes for tolerating the behavior or beliefs of others. So often each of us listen to a viewpoint first and judge the individual based on what we perceive to be their beliefs or stance on issues. We effectively shut off those who disagree with us without listening to their own viewpoints first. And then we talk about those same people by labelling them in a variety of unkind ways suggesting they are inflexible or won’t tolerate other viewpoints. We somehow justify and even harden our own leanings and belief systems.
It can be corrosive in a corporate setting, creating different camps or cliques. I’ve worked with senior clients who express strong opinions about subordinates. “He’s not open to change – he resists everything,” one told me recently. A short time later, he mentioned another direct report and said, “He is courageous in supporting what we as a company stand for and doesn’t get bowled over by the latest craze or idea.” As we dug into those statements I asked a series of questions, inviting him to tell me the difference between one person who resists change – who he appeared to judge harshly – and someone who supports the status quo – who gets a pass. “How do you experience them differently?” I asked. A rather sheepish explanation emerged and an admission that “I like the guy who stands up for his convictions, the other guy not so much.”
Even for the smallest issue like this client mentioned, up through the larger ones, fully exploring our own values and how we apply them can be helpful to expanding our range as leaders.
As a coach, I work with clients to build awareness of their behavior and/or the inconsistencies they may not be aware they demonstrate. It starts with identifying their own values and beliefs and exploring how they use them. Then, and perhaps more importantly, coaching helps them to better know how to work with and have respect for others and for other belief systems.
Eventually, clients may even be able to extend respect to everyone, encouraging curiosity rather than judgement. And one more thing: It has been commonly termed the “Golden Rule,” from the Sermon on the Mount by Jesus, but is also embraced by every other major religion and school of philosophy:
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” or perhaps even more appropriately,
“Do not do to others what you would not want done to you.”
Dave Bushy of Boston Executive Coaches – bostonexecutivecoaches.com – is a an ICF-certified coach who was trained at the Gestalt International Study Center (GISC). Dave is a former U.S. Army officer and senior airline executive who works with leaders throughout the world.