By Dave Bushy, PCC
I knew a colleague who had a collection of “Bobbleheads” in her office. I’d often look at them when I spoke with her, watching them continuously nod up and down in what I experienced as silent agreement. I never failed to then think of people who sometimes sit in conference rooms and board rooms and merely nod throughout meetings, without saying a word.
That same image comes to mind as I speak with clients, who often feel as if they are dealing with their own version of Bobbleheads.
I was meeting with a client a few months ago who lamented:
“Everyone just sits through the meetings, looking straight ahead or nodding in silent agreement. They don’t engage and so don’t even seem to agree or disagree. They don’t even seem real. They’re just…”
I paused and searched for a metaphor that would land with my client and then offered, half-jokingly, “Bobbleheads?”
“Exactly!” the client laughed out loud, mimicking a movement as he nodded ever so slightly up and down with a vacant look on his face.
Getting serious again, I asked my client – a CEO – to describe a recent situation where he saw this happen.
“Well, I was recently presenting to the Exec Group about a massive project that we are contemplating for the company. I can’t help but to be enthusiastic about the idea. I spoke at length about the details of the project, telling everyone how important it is, how transformative it will be and how it would benefit all of us. Towards the end of my presentation, I was on a real high. Then the CFO asked about the capital and operating budget expense.”
“What else?” I asked.
“Well, then the CFO continued and said that the budget analysis had not yet been completed and we should hold off for a quarter before embarking on the plan. I hate to admit it, but I raised my voice and told him that he hadn’t done his homework. Then a silence fell over the room. I realized – perhaps a bit late – that I needed to ask for other opinions so I opened up the conversation to the other execs.”
“And then what happened?”
“Well, you could cut the atmosphere in the room with a knife. Everyone just kind of stared straight ahead, until someone quietly said, “I pretty much agree with you, boss.” And then everyone started to move their head up and down, sort of hedging their bets. ”
“Let me ask you something. What was your intent when you started the meeting?”
“Well, it was a really good plan. And I knew we needed to do it.”
“And what were you seeking from the team?”
I paused and gave him time to think some more. We sat in silence for several minutes.
Quietly, he said, “I guess I just wanted them to agree. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised that they all nodded. Come to think of it, I am thankful that at least one of them – the CFO – had the courage to speak up.”
“And what do you think you learned from this?”
We spent several sessions talking about this question and about his approach to the team and other subordinates. He admitted that he had put everyone into a difficult position of providing thoughts on a decision he had already made.
At one point he spoke expansively about his learnings from the situation, saying “They are bright and capable people, but in that situation I was the one who created the Bobbleheads.” He realized, he said, that though his own forceful personality had gotten him to the C-Suite, it will not be the thing that creates a successful team. He began to realize that by defaulting to this familiar behavior was starting to have a cost to it and he wanted to explore different behaviors to get different results.
“What choices can you make in the future?” I asked at one point. The CEO went on at length about how, going forward, he would work to create an atmosphere of discussion about ideas that were being contemplated. And, he said, he would solicit opinions from everyone in the room first, not demand agreement at the onset. He would solicit ideas and creativity from everyone.
“I don’t want to see Bobbleheads of my own making any more,” he emphasized.
The work will continue for this CEO, as he learns the effect of his forceful personality and the need to expand his range from directing to soliciting feedback from everyone in his company.
Dave Bushy of Boston Executive Coaches – bostonexecutivecoaches.com – is a an ICF-certified coach who was trained at the Gestalt International Study Center (GISC). Dave is a former U.S. Army officer and senior airline executive who works with leaders throughout the world.